Déjà vu - Looking back through the years!

Noticed this comment in a Facebook comment on Edwin Tan's post:

Edwin Tan Chee Pin Constance Lo - i learnt this 14 years ago, when my oldest boy (Joseph) was 2 months old, and i was clueless on what to do. my senior pastor Chris Kam wrote on how he brings his sons out one-on-one each week. so i decided to try it - and it's the best 'piece of advice' i've had - easy to do, but yet so effective.

This was the article that I wrote in 2005 for Floodgates, 14 years' ago as Edwin mentioned. What a reminder that I am glad I invested into all my sons. They are now 14 years older and are now adults!

My Three Sons – Arrows in a Quiver  Nov-Dec 2005 Pr Chris Kam

A DUMC member came excitingly to me two weeks ago exclaiming that she met someone who knows me. She was at a function in another church and found out that this man, YK, who is my optometrist. YK had told her that something that I shared with him had encouraged him so much that he decided to do something about it. I remembered the incident and little did I know that a casual sharing would have led someone to radically change the way he parents his children.

This casual encounter happened in McDonald about two months ago where I was having supper with Ashton, my youngest 8-year old son. This was my regular weekly father-son time on a Monday after his music class. YK was having dinner with his family and as usual in his jovial self, he came over for a quick chat. “Where are your two other sons?” he asked. “There are no two other sons here. Just me and Ashton, our father and son time.” I could see that his ears pricked up trying to figure out what I mean. “What do you mean ‘father and son’ time?” he asked. “Exactly as I said, ‘father and SON’ time”, I replied, emphasizing the word ‘son’ in singular.

“I do this with each of my sons every week. Sort of like my usual pastoral appointments, but with my sons, instead of my church members, written down in my diary. It’s a weekly one: Monday afternoon with Ian (my 15-year old), Monday night with Ashton and Wednesday night with Shaun (my 10-year old). Non-negotiable, unless I am outstation or having an important meeting that cannot be changed.”

“Hmmmm…. “ YK muttered something under his breath. “All three every week … that must be tough considering the amount of time required if for each you spent two hours with. That must have taken a lot of discipline on your part.”

“I have been meeting like this with Ian since he was 4 years old. That’s eleven years in total sitting like this one on one, talking about anything and everything. Tough as it may be being man and boy, you know the male thingy of being bad conversationalists; we just learn to talk about everything under the sun. Of course there were silent moments but there is food to keep our mouth full!” We broke out in laughter with Ashton looking cute and wondering what these big fellas are up to.

“YK, it’s really hard work, and fattening too, because it always happens in a restaurant. I give them a choice where they would like to go. I am sick of roti canai and you would have figured out by now why. They love roti canai. But it’s cheaper.”

“But, it is extremely rewarding. For one, my sons cannot accuse me some day of dad not spending enough time with them. But the real value is in building a trust relationship that until today at 15 years old, Ian still shares with me about everything … including whom he likes, and you know, birds and bees stuff. I rather that he hears from me than from his peers, or the media. I am so glad that we didn’t really go through the ‘dad and mum my worst enemies’ teenage phase that I have been warned about. Ian said to me a few months back that I am his best friend and that’s the greatest compliment I think a father can receive from his son.”

By now, YK is furiously processing through in his mind the implication of what I am saying. He has three children himself, around the same ages, and I wasn’t really sure what he was up to until this was related to me. I was told that since he heard what I shared, not only has he and his wife started a one-on-one with their children, they have encouraged others in his church to start doing the same because they have found it so helpful in their parenting.

Something so simple, yet powerful. I am reminded of Psalm 127:3-5 Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

Parents, our children are like arrows. We are the archers. When they are properly shaped and sharpened, and in the hands of expert marksman, they will go the distance and to places where we can’t go ourselves. We need to think two generations ahead, so that they can become godly fathers themselves. The success of my life can only been seen when I am no longer around, that is, in the lives of my children’s children, that they will blessed by what I am doing now with my own children. That’s the heart cry of our heavenly Father. He’s a multi-generational God!

My 10 Year Big Idea from 2016

Moses was an extraordinary leader in a sense that he wrestled with God over his call. He was clear in his mind that unless God is there with him, it is pointless going where he wanted to go with his people. In Exodus 33:12-23, we observe the incredible dialogue between God and man. Moses knew the marching order. “Lead these people.” (V.12) but God had not told him yet who He will send with him. He knew he had the favour of God over him. His desire was that God will teach him His ways rather than be dependent on his limited human understanding. God went beyond that and said this amazing line: “My Presence will go with you, and I will give your rest.”
For most of us, we would be thinking that God’s call will demand a lot of hard work and sacrifices. Why did God say that He will give Moses rest? We often misunderstand the phrase “hard work” with “strive”. Certainly, we see how much work there is in leading 600,000 adult males (Exodus 12:37), which would imply a total population of 2 to 2.5 million people, when Egypt’s population at the time was only about 3 to 4.5 million. That’s hard work! The “rest” here meant the final destination of the land of Canaan, the Promised Land. In today’s context, that rest in the spiritual realm is the rest of salvation (Hebrews 4:1). Faith in God was the key to entering that rest (Hebrews 4:2).

The Greek definition for rest is “to be refreshed, to abide, to cease and to settle down.” True rest in God allows us to live rejuvenated and be at peace with ourselves and others. The opposite of rest is restlessness, always having the feeling that there is something more to do, something else to get right, a sense of wanting to be more in control, in order to relax and have a sense of accomplishment and self-worth. Sounds like an oxymoron desire yet in this way we strive in restlessness towards an elusive rest. I resonated with an adage I came across that says “When we strive, God waits. When we rest, God acts.”


It was in such a perspective that I asked God to show me the way as I lead DUMC for the next ten years as I take on the role of the Senior Pastor mid of last year. I wanted God to be there at the end of that ten years when I pass on the baton. I wanted to learn to lead in restedness and not restless strive. I wanted to achieve the goal, not of growth, but of grace because growth is His work and not mine (1 Cor 3:6). All I need to do is provide a space for spiritual nurture, health and His Presence for God’s people and God will cause the growth.

So I asked Him, what will DUMC be like in 10 years’ time? Very clearly, He had said to me to build DUMC not for ourselves but for our children and their children. While it may seem logical that every church should do so, yet by design, we often do not as we are stuck in our old human ways and preferences. The Lord reminded me often not to harbor pride because we have “eaten more salt” and hence there’s nothing much we can learn from young people. We need the humility to sit down with them and hear what they have to say about church. We pray that church is relevant to them as much as it is to us. In being part of us, they catch on the vision and purpose that everything we do must be for the sake of the Gospel, empowered by the Holy Spirit, in a spiritual environment of prayer and worship. We must be strong in both the Word and the Spirit. We must have an encounter with God in all that we do, a deep sense of belonging to a community and given a calling higher than ourselves.


Jesus summed up for us a personal and corporate calling of the Great Commandment (Matthew 22:36-40) and the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20). To “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Luke 10:27) is a clarion call to love God and others. This sums up the 613 laws of the Old Testament into two commandments which is a stroke of divine wisdom and brilliance of our Lord that simplify an otherwise complicated set of rules to live by. The Great Commission defines the core business of the church to make disciples and not just believers. A disciple is taught to obey everything Jesus commanded. In one stroke, we understand what it means to be a Christian and to be Church.

The one word that would describe what DUMC will be like at the end of it all is the word “Christlikeness”. Christlikeness can come in so many forms but what the Lord had impressed upon my heart are these five words or phrases that reflect what it means to be Christlike. They are “Honour, Humility, Be Real, Pass-It-On and Fun.” They are by no means exhaustive but these are the key core habits that will be spun into other characteristics of Christlikeness. I call them habits because it is something that is so much part of us that it becomes an inherent subconscious act and an automatic natural code of conduct that comes out of our being. We are not merely talking about behavioral modifications but a heart transformation that comes out as a fruit of the Spirit. When we are God and people honouring, with the humility of a servant to serve like our Lord Jesus, and being real and authentic in who we are in a non-judgmental atmosphere of acceptance, and remembering always to pass it on to others in a platform of discipleship, and while doing all that we have fun, and inner joy being evident, that would be an amazing church to be in. Would we be inspired to ask God for that?


Let me sum up in just one phrase to give us a sense of purpose and unity to what we hope to see in ten years’ time and beyond. If someone were to ask you, what is DUMC and what do you stand for? You simply need to say we are to: “Love God, Serve People, Make Disciples towards Christlikeness with the core habits of Honour, Humility, Be Real, Pass-It-On and Fun.” That’s it! It doesn’t have to be complicated but let’s have fun doing all these. I look forward to running this race with you and be awed by the Presence of God.