My Reflection on MH370

It's almost two weeks since the disappearance of MH370 and our hearts and prayers go out to those suffering through the anxieties of not knowing exactly what happened and the fate of those missing. I wrote this article in DUMC's latest issue of Floodgates magazine as a reflection.

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Ending Well by Pr Chris Kam (Issue 79 of Floodgates magazine)

In my last year’s article entitled “The Future is Now”, this was what I wrote: “James 4:14 ‘What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.’ I was reminded that life is short and whatever we do, for most things, we have only one shot at doing it right and the consequences, good or bad will have a rippling effect for years to come, not only on us but affecting many others as well.”

The buzz around the world while writing this is the tragic disappearance of flight MH370. It has certainly been much on our minds and prayers. What saddens our hearts even more is that amongst the victims of this tragedy are people that we know. The feeling of helplessness can only drive us to our knees to intercede for those who are missing and for their family members whose greatest anxiety is that of not knowing what exactly happened and their whereabouts. Apart from coming alongside to provide comfort and help where we can, the next best thing we can do during this time is to reflect upon our own lives and how we should live it better as we ponder the elephant in the room, of our own earthly mortality and its brevity. It is not a question of “if” but “when” and this certainly reminds us to cherish our loved ones and be certain of why we are here. The greatest good we can do is not to leave behind a trail of brokenness but the glory and grace of God in our lives and others.

Just last weekend, a young man in his early twenties, came forward for prayer at the end of our church celebrations. He asked me whether there is something wrong with him because he kept thinking about death, but not in a suicidal way. While a morbid subject, I assured him that Apostle Paul himself thought about his death often. “I die every day.” (1 Cor 15:31a) What Paul meant was that he no longer lives only for himself but every day he becomes closer to God by doing God’s will and not his own. He is also referring to the daily possibility of martyrdom.

Hence it is a reminder that we are living on borrowed time and that life is a gift. It is not a question of how long but how well. I followed a plan set forth in my early thirties by asking this question. “What will my funeral be like?” For many, it was strange to think about death at such an early age. But it was not a joke. I was thinking about death seriously. Not that I was flippant about life and death, but rather by thinking about how my life will end, I can live my life intentionally from that point on so that I can end it the way I envisioned it.

Do not get me wrong. It is not about me. John the Baptist succinctly puts it: “He must become greater; I must become less.” (John 3:30 NIV) or in ESV “He must increase, but I must decrease.” It is about living responsibly and intentionally so that through our lives, His grace may be prominent. I thought about what people would think of me at my funeral? Would I be leaving a trail of broken lives? Or would I leave behind a legacy of transformed lives centred in Christ? Will I be history or will I be a history maker?

While working through my funeral program, I wrote down what I would like my wife and sons to say about me. Those eventually include my closest relatives, some friends, colleagues and even our domestic helper. Of course I am not suggesting that it is my desire to have them speak publicly these things about me. It would not matter anyway as I would already be in the Presence of the Lord! However, if these are what I wish their thoughts will be at the point of my departure, I need to live out that kind of live henceforth. I don’t know how else to be more intentional and purposeful than that.

It is a strange exercise 20 years ago but as I look back now, I thank God that He prompted me to do what I did. I did “die every day” and I echoed the heart of Apostle Paul which desires to be with the Lord but willing to stay for the sake of the Gospel (2 Corinthians 5:8). I finally understood why he wrote what he wrote in 2 Timothy 4:6-8, “⁶For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. ⁷I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. ⁸Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.”

Coats in the shopping carts

I find the story below from Os Hillman quite interesting, especially the "aha" moment of realization.

A former client of mine was the marketing director of a large food brokerage company and told me a story about one of their client grocery stores located in the upper Midwest. It seems that the store could not understand why at a certain time every winter sales plummeted. They studied their product line and interviewed customers. They did everything possible to uncover the mystery. Finally, someone made a remarkable discovery that changed everything.

 

It seemed that whenever it was really cold outside, the manager raised the temperature in the store. When customers came into the store it was too warm for them, so they removed their coats and placed them in their shopping carts. This meant less room for food and resulted in reduced sales overall. They lowered the temperature of the store, and as a result, the sales climbed back to the levels they were accustomed to. Their adjustment resulted in restoring sales levels.

It seems to me that when things are comfortable around us, we tend to overlook the simple things that can become a snare in our spiritual life if we are not careful. In the desire to accumulate more, we are often not aware that these things begin to take the place of what's important in our spiritual life. Sometimes it can be the cares of the world, desire to hoard more than what we need, or simply crowding out of our lives the daily devotional time with Jesus that is necessary to help us centre on Him as the Author and Perfecter of our faith.

What are the adjustments that we need to do in our lives? What are the coats in our shopping cart that needs to be removed so that we can put into it what is of ultimate importance.

Ephesians 4:22-24

22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

What is Heaven Like?

In a very intense discussion we had in our Master of Ministry class on the course titled “Caring for the sick and dying”, I realized much of how we respond to crisis in our lives is dependent upon our perspective of life. I think it is only human to cling on to what’s here in this brief life on earth. When we minister to those terminally sick or aging, when do we decide to stop praying for healing and face the fact that it is probably better to go to be with the Lord? I am reminded of how Dr Martyn Lloyd-Jones prepared himself to die. This man of God was a Welsh Protestant minister, preacher and medical doctor who went to glory in 1981 at the ripe old age of 81. He had accomplished much in life, a chief influence in the British evangelical movement in the 20^th century and a minister of Westminster Chapel in London for almost 30 years.

It is his personal belief that no one should begin the inevitable journey of dying and then to die unprepared. He often preached about it and now to walk the talk. While battling cancer towards the end of his life, he knew it was time not to write more books, but to prepare to die.

His biographer, Iain Murray, visited Dr. Lyold-Jones to discuss an autobiography, a year before he died in March 1981. The old minister decided against it and Murray wrote: "It had to do with his final assessment of the right use of such time as remained to him. It came home to him with much conviction that time to prepare for death was very important; he needed such time and believed that its right use was now his chief work as a Christian. What was uppermost in his thoughts did not lie in the past at all. The big thing before him was that all Christians need a pause from the activities of life in order to prepare for heaven."

In the last days towards the end of February 1981, with great peace and assured hope, he believed that his earthly work was done. To his immediate family he said: 'Don't pray for healing, don't try to hold me back from the glory.' On March 1st, he passed on to the glory he had so often preached about on meeting the Saviour he had so faithfully proclaimed.

This also reminds me of Apostle Paul. He understood the future glory when he said “We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.”

(2 Cor 5:8). Having a healthy appreciation of what our future holds will set us on a hopeful perspective when we are at the brink of death. “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” (1 Cor 15:55)

The lack of eternal hope creates the proliferation of health products and supplements, exercise routines to shape up the body and the covering up of the signs of aging through plastic surgery. I look with amusement how people are in denial often of their true age. Jokingly they say, “After 40, we stop counting.”

Consider the joy of being able to grow old gracefully and to see that there’s beauty too in aging. I am not saying this because I am approaching the point of eternity or graying at a rapid rate (which is totally superfluous with my crown of graying hair). I probably have a good 25 years before that point if nothing serious happens to my body or God should decide for me “Time’s up!”

We need to start thinking about heaven a little more so that we are not so earthly bound that we have no eternal perspective. When I say heaven, I do mean the NEW heaven and earth that we read about in Revelation 21. We will then be blessed with a new perfect body. God now dwells with His people so much so that His glory will be the everlasting light source. We will be living on a new earth and not flapping our wings into ethereal worship! I find myself asking some of the following questions. What is heaven like? Will we ever be bored with eternity? Will we recognize our loved ones and will we have emotions? What kind of bodies will we have and what will earthly nature be like then? Do we still eat and ever grow fat or do we need to still exercise? Are we clothed and will there be music and what kind? How big will the new earth be and do we still keep time? At what age will we remain for eternity and what language do we use? Are there privacy and will we have a super mind? Will we still use science and can I be the scientist that build a starship Enterprise and explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before. “Beam me up, Scotty!” It sure is an exciting place! Think about that!

What makes life meaningful?

I posed the above question on facebook and received a few interesting replies.

Paulin Tan

If, throughout the course of my life, I can manage to positively influence another's life or ... bring up a brood of kind, compassionate and good kids who can help make the world a better place.

Norma Sit

Knowing God. Life itself. Family. Work.

Michelle Yu

When I make the best out of everything, appreciate and remain a thankful heart through seasons of life- be it an up or a down. From there, impact others positively and that they will be able to see this grace I carry through my life this far, that 1st comes from God.

Paul Messal

Obedience and Love.

Daniel Lim

Purpose beyond one's self.

Jennifer Lee

People and revelation through conversation about the LORD

Antony Mark Brown

Knowing our identity in God; which gives me purpose and identity. This gives me meaning.

Andrew Goh Hwee Liang

Is when we know what we can do for God.

It is quite interesting to see how different we are as men and women in our understanding of life. Men generally place their meaning on what they do and women on relationships. Notice how we men use words like "purpose" and "do". Women use "influence", "knowing", "appreciate", "conversation".

That's the beauty of gender difference. We both bring a richness that completes the picture. We need though to forge a clear theology of who He is. Meaning in life is both "doing" and "being". I for one think that meaning in life is really about firstly knowing that you are loved. Remember when you first fell head over heels in love with this amazing person? Remember when you woke up every morning after that filled with a sense of purpose? That was a teaser to how we can fall in love with God and be filled with meaning in and for life.

Someone said it is a settled conviction of how much God loves us. Meaning becomes clear when we know we are loved! That must be the starting point before we can make any sense out of life!

The 20% of Our Lives

A highway rest area has this signboard: “It is the stop that keeps you going”

It is not about how much we do, but in doing them, are they the most important things in our lives. If Pareto principle holds true to life, then pausing and reflecting makes a lot of sense.

Let's recap what's Pareto principle is (also known as the 80-20 rule). In a nutshell, "roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes." Applying this:

Time: 20% of our time produces 80% of the results.
Counselling: 20% of the people take up 80% of our time.
Work: 20% of our effort gives us 80% of our satisfaction.
Ministries: 20% of the ministries provide 80% of the fruit.
Leadership: 20% of the people make 80% of the decisions.
Workers: 20% of the members do 80% of the ministry.
Mentoring: 20% of the influencers are where you should invest your time.

Do you see where this is heading? It would be terrible to discover that at the end of our life, we are investing into things that are unfruitful. Imagine the exponential effect of the good we can do when we invest rightly.

This is so true in our life journey. We need to make frequent stops on the way, look back and reflect on our ways so that we can move effectively forward. Without the stops, our lives become terribly tiring and boring as Henri Nouwen puts it:

“It is remarkable how much of our life is lived without reflection on its meaning. It is not surprising that so many people are busy but bored! They have many things to do and always running to get them done, but beneath the hectic activity they often wonder if anything is truly happening. A life that is not reflected upon eventually loses its meaning and becomes boring. Spiritual reading is a discipline that keeps us reflecting on our lives as we live them….We have to keep asking ourselves: ’What does it all mean? What is God trying to tell us? How are we called to live in the midst of all this?’ Without such questions our lives become numb and flat. But are there any answers? There are, but we will never find them unless we are willing to live the questions first and trust that, as Rilke says, we will, without even noticing it, grow into the answer”.
In Search of Meaning from “Here and Now” by Henri Nouwen.

So what is the 20% of your life? The principle of fruitfulness is a biblical idea. Colossians 1:10 "And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God,"
Matthew 13:23 "But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.”

Weddings and Funerals

I have officiated many weddings and conducted many funerals and wakes. This is a responsibility and also a privilege that I have as a pastor. While these events are poles apart in terms of the emotions involved, both can have positive e­ffects on our lives. Sometimes we can be attending them simply out of obligation or concern, but pause for a while and consider their implications. My life is enriched as I am always reminded of my own mortality and the importance of my marriage and family.

Consider the day one gets married. Life is full of excitement and possibilities. Yet the moment we step into it, we realize how different we are from our spouse. The very thing that attracted us to each other can be the very thing that tries to split us apart later. Before marriage, a man wants a wife who can converse with him intelligently. After marriage, why does she always have an opinion about things? Before marriage, a woman wants a man who is financially stable to provide for her and the family. After marriage, why is he never home? The honeymoon period dissolves quickly and reality hits when they stay together. At a recent Fathers Club meeting, a newly married young man humorously exclaimed, “We wanted to kill each other in the first three months of our marriage!”

In the grandeur of a wedding day, I am reminded that it is not how well the couple starts but how well they will finish someday.  A significant milestone for a marriage will be the wedding day of the couple’s children. Each wedding is also in some sense a graduation ceremony for the parents. A beautiful part of a DUMC wedding is the time given for the newly wedded couple to express their gratitude and love to their parents. Whether the sharing is one minute or three minutes, you can almost get an idea what their family relationships is like.

There will always be tears. The fathers will inevitably try very hard not to be emotional, faces contorting to keep their tears back, while mothers of course will let their tears run freely. The same can be said about wedding dinner speeches. I often wonder what it would be like as a father on the big day watching his son or daughter now leaving home for good to forge a different life with his or her new partner. We can never go back to where we were before with them. We cannot wind back the clock. These are powerful and tearful moments. I have often read in-between the lines of their speeches, of regrets or joy.

It reminds us as parents to have strong marriages for the sake of our children because that’s the only consistent model of marriage they will see in their growing years. The best commendation I have heard was when a groom said in his wedding speech that the reason why he wanted to get married early was because he longed for what he saw in his parent’s marriage. He did not want to miss out any longer when he met the girl of his dream. What a powerful testament and model of marriage and parenting the groom’s parents have been for the young couple! I left that wedding feeling inspired knowing that my strong marriage with my wife matters to our three sons. We must therefore work hard at staying joyfully married! We have just celebrated our 24 years of marriage!

In the sorrow of a funeral, one will also see the strength of the family relationships or the lack of it. The regrets or joys in the words of a dying person can be haunting or inspiring. I have held the hands of people in their last moments. I consider my presence with them a privilege because their last words, with life ebbing away from their earthly existence, are worth taking note of. Family relationships are at the top of their mind. The fear or confidence in facing their deaths reminds me about my own confidence in God. When I take my final breath, all that matters will be my relationship with God. My confidence in meeting my Maker will be a reflection of my journey with Him on earth.

I long to have what Apostle Paul has: Desiring to go, but willing to stay. ^"I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body." (Philippians 1:23-24) He longs for a far better place to go to where his Heavenly Father is, than to cling on here. But he is willing to stay because he knows of a higher purpose than himself so that many more can be brought from the Kingdom of darkness to the Kingdom of Light. That is why he can say, “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:13b-14).

Do yourself a favor. The next time you attend a wedding or a funeral, pause for a moment to reflect about your life. What is God saying?

Have a great life!

Reflections:

1. Has your parents’ marriage been inspiring? In what ways?

2. What would you want to have in your own marriage from what you saw in them?

3. What would you avoid?

4. If you are married, how would you rate your marriage from 1 to 10?

5. Would you consider your marriage an inspiration to your children and others in your community?

6. What would your children say if they were asked questions 1 to 3? (Try asking them.)

7. What do you think your thoughts will be during your dying moments? What would you say to me if I am by your side at that moment?

8. Are you confident in meeting your Maker? Describe the reasons why in your own words.

9. How would you apply the attitude of Paul in your own life: “Desiring to go, but willing to stay?” (2 Corinthians 5:8)

10. What new attitudes would you adopt from now on when you attend a funeral, wake or wedding?

Richest man in the Cemetery

"I saw no point in being the richest man in the cemetery."

Peter Drucker, "Managing Oneself", Harvard Business Review - Best of HBR 199, P.11, Par. 2


You can download this article in this blog.


This quote sort of came at me poignantly about the empty chases so many are after. Something so obvious yet we are so blinded. Having to counsel more men lately, filled with regrets in the way they had lived their lives, it is best to heed what Jesus Himself had said, which Drucker rephrased in the above quote:

Matthew 16:26 (NIV)

[26] What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?

Steven Covey said it in another way in First Things First, title of chapter one:

"How many people on their deathbed wish they’d spent more time at the office?"