Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Monday, July 20, 2015

Is there a perfect husband or wife out there?

Last Friday night at my cell group meeting, we celebrated the 22nd wedding anniversary of a dear couple by putting them on a hot seat for the young adults to glean life lessons from on a marriage with a combined total of 44 years of marriage experience and three children later. I have often said to young people that wisdom is about asking the right questions. Our education system, and even the way our church celebrations or services are structured, they are often more than not monologues. Jesus' style of discipling was usually done by sitting around in a circle, facing one another and mutually asking good and provoking questions. You see that often in their dialogues found in the Gospels, whether in a room, in the field, in their journeys, or literally any and everywhere. Sometimes Jesus would answer their questions with another question. 

Google has introduced a whole new culture of information overload. The wisdom of google is not in the answers that can be found there. There are tons and tons of answers and information. It is in asking the right question that Google is at its best. Let me qualify by saying too that the answers may not necessarily be correct or truthful. A great amount of discernment and wisdom is needed to filter them correctly

Good questions were asked of this couple. How do you know you are right for one another? Is it about compatibility? Is it about communications? What roles do parents play for their children in matters of a life partner? How do you maintain the sizzle or passion in your marriage? How do you keep going with all the challenges? How does having children alter your relationship? 

One thing this couple can attest to is the importance of pre-marital counselling which is vital to prepare the couple for what's ahead. I have realized too that generally speaking there is no such thing as a compatible couple. The moment you think you are, you will be in for a big surprise because living together in the same house is a whole new ball game altogether with both coming from completely different family background and culture. Before marriage, when they have a disagreement, they can go home and not see each other for a while until things cool down. When they are married, they do not have such a luxury. There is no "going home" because they are at home. They sleep on the same bed in tension. They just need to work things out eventually and conflict resolution is an important skill of learning to listen, negotiate and compromise. I would call that the skill of adapting. Therefore the issue is not about compatibility, but adaptability. Learning to adapt is a posture of love. It is not about what we can get out of a relationship only, but how we can give to it. In fact, "agape" love is unconditional. Meaning, we love not because of, but in spite of. That's the vow couples made to one another at the wedding altar.

For better for worse,
For richer for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
To love and to cherish,
Till death do us part,
And hereto I pledge you my faith.

Hence marriage is laboratory of relationship of learning how to love unconditionally. Only when love is worked out this way can we find deep fulfilling relationship knowing that we are genuinely loved. How often people get into marriage to get, and when they cannot find what they are looking for, they opt out. Where can we learn how love to love like this? We can only learn that from Someone who had loved like this.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:6-8) 

One last tip I gave was to observe the person how he (or she) treats people above him, next to him and below him. Watch how he respects authority, whether it is to his parents, bosses, pastors or leaders. Watch how he treats his friends, colleagues and cell group members. Then most importantly, watch how he treats people "below" him, his subordinates, the underprivileged, disabled, or poor, and most interestingly, watch how he treats children. It will give you a clue what kind of person you will be living with and the culture of relationship with whom you will forge together for your family.

So, no, there is no perfect husband or wife out there. If you find one, don’t marry that person because you will make him or her imperfect! Worse still, you will be terribly disappointed and disillusioned over a broken dream because there is no such perfection. Happy “hunting!”

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Cohesive Family through Truth & Faithfulness

Scriptural Text: Ephesians 5:15 - 6:4
Preached at DUMC 15/16 March 2014 by Pr Chris Kam
The state of marriage today in Malaysia

The national rate of divorce in 2012 was 26%
The propostion of Muslim divorces is about double that of non-Muslims


















1. Biblical Theology of Marriage and the Family

The permanency of marriage.

Mark 10:6-9 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” 


2. Biblical Template for the family

Biblical pattern for marriage:

Ephesians 5:21-33 
a. Wives, submit to your husband as to the Lord (v22-24)
23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 

b. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her (v25-28) 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Ephesians 6:1-4
c. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” (v1-3) 

Luke 2:51-52 51 Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. 52 And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.

d. Fathers, do not exasperate our children, instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (v4) 



The Roles and Responsibilities in a Household according to Scripture
ROLES
RESPONSIBILITIES
TEXTS
Fathers
Love your wife*
Eph. 5:25
Provide for family, children
2 Cor. 12:14
Ensure proper nurture and discipline
Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:21; Heb. 12:6
Mothers
Submit to your husband*
Eph. 5:22
Raising of children, motherhood
1 Tim 2:15
Managing the home
1 Tim. 5:14
Children
Obedience to parents
Eph. 6:1-3; Col. 3:20
Care for parents in old age
1 Tim. 5:8


Reference: 
God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation
By: Andreas J. Kostenberger,David W. Jones
* Added by author of blog

Click here for detail of book.

Verses:

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
  
2 Corinthians 12:14

Now I am ready to visit you for the third time, and I will not be a burden to you, because what I want is not your possessions but you. After all, children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children.
  
Ephesians 6:4

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
  
Colossians 3:21

Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
  
Hebrews 12:6

because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”
  
Ephesians 5:22

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

1 Timothy 2:15

But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.
  
1 Timothy 5:14

So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander.


Ephesians 6:1–3

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
  
Colossians 3:20

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
  
1 Timothy 5:8

If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

The foundation of a cohesive family must be built therefore through: 
TRUTH – Biblical truth rooted in scripture about our roles in marriage
FAITHFULNESS – Faithfulness rooted in scripture about the permanency of marriage and family.


3. Biblical Transformation through the Family


How do we build a cohesive family? I want to suggest an IDEA.

Eph 6:4 Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord

Instructions 

Discipline 

Encouragement 

Affection 


Luke 3:22 and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” 

3 things our children need to hear from us. 
I love you (Affection), 
I am proud of you (Acceptance
You are good in what you do (Affirmation). 

Appreciation to all our super mothers! Here is one who can do 10 things at one time:
Emily Lee - mother to Maya and wife to Paul Sebastian

To the singles looking for a life partner:
If you want to get married, you must make sure your marriage will give you a greater love for the Lord, the things of the Lord, a greater prospect of ministry. If not stay single. ~ Josh McDowell


APPRECIATE YOUR FAMILY WEEK!
Don't take your family for granted. Appreciate them in a creative way this week.



Thursday, September 26, 2013

Looking for Mr. or Miss Right?

There seems to be an increase in the number of weddings over the last few year. Not surprisingly so because the church is growing and the number of young adults have increased too in our midst. A significant number of them are single and hopefully, eligible. But you may ask, “What do you mean ‘eligible’? As long as he or she is single, they should be eligible, right?”

Interestingly, let us look at the definition of eligibility, in the context of marriage. The online dictionary (www.thefreedictionary.com) defines eligibility as: “Desirable and worthy of choice, especially for marriage: an eligible bachelor.”

I like the word “worthy”, which the same dictionary defines as: “Having worth, merit, or value; honorable; admirable.” Getting into a marriage relationship is therefore not just about “the time is right”, “I am already getting too old” or “I found the person of my dreams”. These are not good enough reasons, if they are the only reasons you have. In our self-centered thinking we look around for someone who will fit into our mould of who our spouse should be. We look for someone who can give into this relationship, rather than whom I can give to. He or she would need to serve our kind of desires for our kind fulfillment in life. This whole process has become so self-centered, contrary to an other-centered relationship in a healthy marriage. The scary part about the whole thing is that we will all soon discover that none of us could ever fulfill what our spouse expect of us and that’s when we begin to hear phrases like “That’s not the man (or woman) I married!”

You see, we go into a relationship looking for Miss Right, forgetting that an equally, or more, important thing that we need to do is to BE Mr. Right first. We look for eligibility in others, forgetting that we need to ask ourselves, are we in the first place, desirable and worthy of choice? Occasionally I hear some young adults lamenting to me about the inability to find a potential mate and they expressed the desire to go to another ocean to look for fish. Eventually some do leave and a few returned and said, “Pastor, there’s no eligible fish in that ocean too!” I had jokingly said to them that it's because they are sharks! All the fish will be scared away. Ouch!!

Before they start pointing a finger about why there are no eligible partners around, or that the church is not doing enough to provide a good catchment area, they should ask the first question: “Am I eligible myself?” And I am not talking about whether you are smart, wealthy or good looking. I am talking about an inner beauty and strength that transcends all these; a beauty in character and inner life, a godliness and holiness that is an inherent hallmark, possessing a humble leadership over your own life and others that you become a fragrance of Christ that attracts.

Godly character takes years to build. A few years ago in my conversation with my then sixteen year old eldest son, Ian, I remember telling him that if he invests in building godly characters and a love for God in his teenage years, there is no reason why he should be worried about finding the right mate. Of course I am assuming too that when the inner character is in place, what flows out of his life is the fruit of the Holy Spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Not that it is a guarantee of success but he would have rule out his side of his ineligibility first and let God do the rest. I am assured that Adam was deep in sleep when God brought Eve into his life. He didn’t strive to look for a partner. God knew the loneliness in Adam and try as He may to bring other animals to be His companion, God knew it is only a special kind of lady that would complete Adam’s life. There is a sense of restedness that Adam had.

When one become Mr. Right, he presents himself as one maturing in Christ, trusting in God for his daily provision and fulfillment of his needs. I have often told courting couples that the best gift one can give to each other at the wedding altar in the sight of God and witnesses, is a maturing man or woman who loves God deeply and is prepared to include God as a full partner in their marriage.

This maturing process does not end at the wedding day. It continues right through our marriage “until death do us part”. So whether you are single, courting or married, are you the Mr. or Miss Right?

Monday, August 12, 2013

The Future is Now!


My wife and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary this year and we indulged ourselves in a well-deserved three week holiday to Europe. In our own little fantasy world of the “Love Boat” era of the 70’s and 80’s, we decided to bring to realization that dream by signing up for a cruise in the Mediterranean. We spent a week in Italy on our own and joined a 12-day cruise from Venice to Istanbul and back. It was a thoroughly enjoyable holiday where we can withdraw from the routines of life.

In our staggered conversations throughout the trip in between celestial idle moments to exploring the ancient ruins of Italy, Greece and Turkey, and the beauty of the Greek islands, I thank my wife for standing by me for 25 years and we thank the Lord together that we could travel like this as best of friends. We enjoyed each other’s company more than ever as we enter into the early stage of our greying years and empty nest. We are beginning to understand and appreciate our promise to each other when we got married that we look forward to growing old together. Having been a pastor for twenty years, I have witnessed the heartaches of many broken or mediocre marriages. Marriage for some is like a prison cell, waiting for the day to get out. To others, and I am not sure which is worse, they live in mediocre co-existent, each living their own private life.


I often wonder what happened to the youthful ideals of love conquers all and why some couples even bothered to get married in the first place to get where they are today. For that, we are thankful to God that while we have our fair share of rough edges, the Lord has sustained and kept us together. There was a sense of déjà vu in this trip because I thought I saw a similar image before, of us in such a trip. I had a picture of what my marriage would be like, my family and my life. In fact, it is better than what I saw then. In some sense the future is now. I had a picture of what kind of husband I will be when I got married, the kind of father when I had my first child and the kind of influence I can be to people around me. It was then I started investing into the future. The future has now arrived. It is a sobering thought as I remember the life verse God gave me in my 20’s. James 4:14 “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”

I was reminded that life will be short and whatever we do, for most things, we have only one shot at doing it right and the consequences, good or bad will have a rippling effect for years to come, not only to us but for many others as well. I remember crafting out in my early years what the future will be like, and little by little over the years, I invested into that future. Financial advisers have been extolling the power or miracle (some would say) of compounding interest. It is learning to save with patience and discipline, a bit at a time over a life-time, that we are assured of a good retirement. Life is not that much different really. The daily discipline of spiritual growth, relationship building and wealth creation is a responsibility of every person and the disaster of the lack of it is evident in so many we see years later.

If you are in your first half right now in your life, “maybe next year” is your worst excuse. You have far more important things at stake than you think. This is the power of vision. Life is like a mist. Don’t live to regret it later. My future is now, and a little more to go! You will be saying this too, soon.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Marriage is the Display of God

"Most foundationally, marriage is the doing of God. And ultimately, marriage is the display of God. It displays the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his people to the world in a way that no other event or institution does. Marriage, therefore, is not mainly about being in love. It's mainly about telling the truth with our lives. And staying married is not about staying in love. It is about keeping covenant and putting the glory of Christ's covenant-keeping love on display." - John Piper

What a beautiful and concise definition of marriage. I have officiated countless weddings. I rejoice with the dreamy looking couple, so much in love with one another and looking forward to a brand new life ahead. I have seen both groom and bride, crying unashamedly as they make their vows to one another, touched by the moment of romance and commitment as they recite: "For better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part."

They wake up the next morning to the realization that they will be together for the rest of their lives and there's no more going home after their date. Then the truth sinks in when they realize how different they are and how they need to adapt to each other's idiosyncrasies. The "happily ever after" feeling begins to deteriorate to "happily never after". The preconceived fantasy of your ideal spouse or the perfect marriage dissipates quickly. You embark on a reform program to change the other person, misconstruing the phrase "and the two shall become one" to mean that your spouse will become like you and your fantasized ideal. You expect your spouse to click the like button on your facebook page to every post and eventually a sense of desperation triggers the inevitable private thought: WHAT HAVE I DONE?

I often counsel couples that real love only truly begin after the wedding day. While one may choose to stop seeing each other for awhile after an argument during courtship, you return to the same room and sleep on the same bed after you are married. How do you deal with that? 

Hence love kicks in:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 
1 Cor 13:4-7

Marriage is therefore a covenant with each other. What's the difference between a covenant and a contract? A social contract is a legally binding document or agreement between two persons that requires both parties to abide by its terms and upon the non-compliance of any of these terms, the contract can be broken. A covenant on the other hand is agreed upon in accordance to God's laws, or in the Name of God. It is a vow that cannot be broken. Matthew 19:4-6 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”  

Notice thus the beauty of the wedding or marriage vows "till death do us part." It gives the confidence and hope for a marriage sustained in love (not primarily of emotions but of commitment) since there is no back door. Divorce is NOT an option. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

Here's a beautiful demonstration of God's love. Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

God made a covenant with us and in spite of our imperfections and sins, He loves us anyway. He is saying "I love you not because of, but in spite of." In the same way, He expects our marriages to illustrate that principle. 


" Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (Ephesians 5:22-33, NIV) 

I agree therefore wholeheartedly with John Piper that marriage is the display of God! So is your marriage displaying God?

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Reproduce and Remember



Studies in 2 Timothy: Paul’s Last Words 
(Discipleship & Leadership Development) II  
Preached in DUMC on 4 & 5 Feb 2012
Audio Sermon can be downloaded here: Audio Sermon Download.
Reproduce & Remember (2 Timothy 2:1-13)
By Pastor Chris Kam    
(Summarized by: Ng Phaik May and Emily Foo)

Picture this: an older man, Apostle Paul, coming to a younger man, like a spiritual father coming to encourage a spiritual son. 

What did the older man do?  He encouraged him, exhorted him, affirmed him, equipped him, empowered him and enabled him to be faithful in the ministry.  How many of us would love to have a spiritual father like that?  We all need a spiritual father like that. 

But how many of us would think that we need or aspire to be a spiritual father or mother to someone?  Just as much as we receive that kind of love and encouragement from others, we should also be doing the same for people around us. 
Do we have stories like that in DUMC, where we are encouraged and we in turn encourage someone else?  Here is a testimony from Amy and Warren Tan, who were married not too long ago.

Amy and Warren
Prior to getting married, Amy and Warren were courting for about three years and they have been married for more than two years already. 

As they were a couple who were ‘crazy in love’, after three months of courtship, they knew that they wanted to get married to each other, but of course they knew that they were not ready, because she was only 21 years of age.

At that stage of their relationship, they realised that they needed help, because they were so in love with each other.  Since Auntie Stella (wife of Pastor Chris Kam) was a mentor to Amy already, Amy suggested to Warren that they, as a couple, should go see Pastor Chris and Auntie Stella to get their advice on what to do.  Pastor Chris, being someone who knew Amy for many years, called Warren one day and invited him for breakfast.  Warren was really scared because he thought when a pastor calls you up, it usually means that you are in trouble.  Warren thought that counselling was for people who needed help, and at that point of his life, he was proud and assumed that he knew how to take care of Amy.  He then realised how wrong he was.  Through that first meeting and subsequent relationship counselling, their lives were changed. 
Amy chose Auntie Stella to be her mentor because Amy found her to be very practical, and she always sought to relate and to empathise with Amy.  Amy thought that was very helpful for her.  What did Amy and Warren learn from Pastor Chris and Auntie Stella? 
Three things came to mind: how humble they both were, how practical the both of them were and how God-centred the both of them were.  Amy and Warren learnt a lot because in the early stages of their relationship, they made a lot of mistakes and as with any couple, they had their issues and problems.  Whenever Amy and Warren approached Pastor Chris and Auntie Stella, they felt that they could share openly, transparently and honestly.  They never felt judged or condemned.  Through each and every issue Amy and Warren had, they would encourage them, and Amy and Warren could see the light at the end of the tunnel.  They were always very encouraging, and Amy and Warren are always grateful for that.  Hence, they want to model their lives after Pastor Chris and Auntie Stella’s.  Today, they stand proud to be their disciples. 
For Amy, it is also the element of humour in a marriage, which is very important.  During each counselling session, Pastor Chris and Auntie Stella never failed to have a joke between each other, and they will laugh at the other’s jokes.  Amy was in awe in that after more than 20 years of marriage, Pastor Chris and Auntie Stella still have fun with each other, which is contrary to what most people believe about couples who have been married for long.  Amy and Warren thus incorporated humour into their own lives as well, because it is so much more fun and exciting. 
To courting couples, Amy and Warren have this to say: before deciding to get married, it is always good to seek an older couple for purposes of accountability, and if you are already planning to get married, look forward to the Pre-Marriage Counseling (PMC), which sets the foundation for married lives.  To married couples, the couple firmly believes in counselling and discipleship, and it is also important that each of us takes somebody on to mentor to as well.

Introduction
Mentoring, discipling, counselling, etc. is actually about a life affecting another life.  You do not need to know a lot in order to affect somebody.  You just need to be authentic about your life, and begin to pass it on.  DUMC has actually married over 300 people over the last 18 years, and every couple has gone through the pre-marital counselling (PMC) process.  Right now in DUMC, there are more than 30 couples being counselled by over 30 other older couples. 

What Apostle Paul had in mind was, whatever he builds on, it must be built to last.  Apostle Paul does not build short-term.  What he did was that he imitated the Lord Jesus Christ, in the way the Lord Himself discipled 12 people under Him.  In other words, the entire future of the Christian faith was in the hands of 12 people.  That is a scary thought.  Jesus Christ came to earth and entrusted everything to 12 people, and it was only over three years.  Apostle Paul copied this strategy.
What does it mean, ‘to pass on’?  It is really about investing in people’s lives.  If you were to remember one thing from this sermon, it is about investing into another person.  We should not invest into things because things will not last.  But when we invest into people, it will last.
For example, in ‘RM5’ shops, most items will be labelled with a ‘Made in China’ label.  For some reason, this does not ring positively among most people, as compared to products with a ‘Made in Japan’ label, where the perception changes immediately.  What would people’s perception be, if we are labelled with a ‘Made in DUMC’ label? 
There was this story, about this businessman from DUMC who ordered a huge consignment of umbrellas from China.  He negotiated for a lower price from the supplier, so that he can get another consignment.  The supplier agreed to provide a discount.  Soon enough, the huge consignment arrived and when the businessman opened the parcel, to his horror, what he found was only frames of umbrella (without the nylon cloth).  Frantically, he called the supplier and complained.  The supplier said that since the businessman wanted a discount, this is what he would get.  What is the moral behind this story?  When you want something of excellence, you actually have to pay for it. 
In our context of investing into people’s lives, what do we pay, in terms of making this effort here?  It requires your energy, a process, and the know-how.  It also requires a desire in our hearts to be excellent.  In other words, if you want something to be good, there is no quick fix.  You cannot take short cuts.  You have to invest into people’s lives if you want people to be excellent disciples. 
Apostle Paul gave two simple instructions as to how this can be done.  One, he said to reproduce yourself.  Two, while you do that, remember Christ. 

A. Reproduce

1.   Look at yourself
As we do this, pray that in the days to come, people will not only see a ‘Made in DUMC’ label, but one that says ‘Made in Christ’ in us.  We thank God for the privilege of being able to invest in the lives of somebody else. 

What does it mean to reproduce ourselves? 
You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.  (2 Timothy 2:1)

Before you reproduce yourself, make sure you look at yourself first.  You cannot reproduce something you do not have.  You can only reproduce something that you do.  Apostle Paul asked Timothy if he was strong in the grace of Jesus Christ because at that time Timothy was going through a difficult time.  Timothy was being persecuted and was probably wondering why he has to go through all these.  He may even be at the verge of giving up.  Are you right now going through a difficult time?  Be strong in the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ.  The problem with many of us is that we do not know how to be strong in the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ.  Before we even talk about reproducing ourselves, we need to grow in the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. 

How does God grow us in His grace?  God often grows us through trials and tribulations and difficulties in our lives.  We do not normally grow during good times.  In fact during good times, we forget God.  We see it over and over in our lives and in the lives of God’s people as well.  Therefore, strangely, we often grow in the grace of God through difficult times in our lives.  In the mind of Apostle Paul, Timothy will grow if he maintains the right attitude towards the problems and sufferings in his life. 

Are we living in difficult times right now, for us living in urban Kuala Lumpur?  Reading about the persecuted churches around the world and people who died for their faith, we are living the good life, compared to what is going on around the world.  And we can thank God for that. 

While studying in Australia, in the midst of a good country, somebody reminded Pastor Chris of: If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan? (Jeremiah 12:5)  

It means simply this:  when you are racing with men on foot, if you fail in that, how in the world would you be able to fight with those on horses?  If in a safe country, you keep falling as a Christian, how in the world would you be able to survive when persecutions really come? 

While in a safe environment in Malaysia, e.g. the freedom to come to worship God every week, how are we doing as Christians?  How is our relationship with God? 

When you look at yourself, you will realise that there are still so many Christians who are struggling with themselves.  They spend so much time struggling with themselves that they have no time for others.  And that is the strategy of the evil one, who makes you so busy with yourself that you have no time for others.  In DUMC, there are many platforms for you to grow, to get out of yourself, and to be the kind of person that God wants you to be. 

2.  Look at others
Do not misunderstand. You do not have to be perfect before you look at others in the journey of growth.  The average Christian live only for themselves because most of the time they are struggling.  The only things they leave behind are their wealth, status and the food they consume.  These are broken things which do not make life worth living. 
What is the strategy that Jesus used in sharing the love of God among people?  The strategy is very simple and does not involve great crusade meetings.  The strategy?  One touching one.  If this is practiced by each of us, then in 30 years, the whole world can be touched.  If anything that we do in church does not involve building people, then don’t do it because it is a waste of time. 

And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others.  (2 Timothy 2:2)

What are the things you look for as you look at others?  Paul is confident of how people view him as he shares in front of witnesses.  There is nothing in his life that people can use against him.  Cobwebs in our lives will one day be out and that is the fear of most people in leadership positions. But Apostle Paul is very clear – whatever he says in front of witnesses, he says it with clear conscience, that is, he not afraid of people finding out about his life.  And that is why he lived a very consistent life and is not afraid of what others will say of him. 
If we live our lives with integrity and authenticity, we have no fear in life. 

The most important thing in ministry is to invest in faithful men and women; or at least the potential to be faithful.  Do not invest into people who are unfaithful.  But look, observe and pray, and look for these reliable people. 

Pastor Chris Kam shared that in his journal, he has a page that contains a ‘List of 30’, where he asked the Lord for a list of 30 people that God has made him noticed in his life.  Over the years, he will jot down the names of those people that he has noticed, that he thinks has potential.  He will then pray to the Lord as to who He wants Pastor Chris to invest in. 

Then God will begin to show certain people to him and he will make time for these people.  These do not happen overnight.  The ‘List of 30’ has made him realise that investment in people is one of the most important things in ministry, not speaking to huge crowds.  It is really about investing, one-on-one, into people around you. 

If this is something so important that the Lord Himself did and Apostle Paul reminds us to do, then why has this been a neglected in ministry and in the church?  How many of us make time for people regularly?  The main reasons we do not are because it takes time, effort, a lot of inconveniences and it costs money too.

3.   What do we reproduce in our disciples? 
What is discipleship?  Discipleship is simply reproducing ourselves. The key idea behind discipleship is to reproduce.  It is imitation.  However, it is not imitation in a negative way, as you would see imitation goods being sold on Petaling Street.  These pirates usually copy brands like Nike, Adidas, etc, but not brands like Bata. Why? It is perception of the brand. The famous ones are worthwhile to copy!
 
Imitation happens all the time, even in the bible. Here are a few examples:

Therefore I urge you to imitate me. (1 Corinthians 4:16)
Apostle Paul urged the Corinthians to copy him.  Like how Amy and Warren copied Pastor Chris and Stella with regards to humour. 

We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. (Hebrews 6:12)

Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. (Hebrews 13:7)

Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.  (1 Corinthians 11:1)

Is discipleship a tough concept?  No.  It is basically reproducing ourselves, people copying you as how you would copy Christ.  That is all that is needed in discipleship. 

Discipleship is not about just teaching.  Most of us shy away from discipling people because we think we must be so well-versed with the Bible that we must know everything from Genesis to Revelation.  That is a misnomer. 

A discipler would just need to walk one step ahead, and bring someone along with him/her.  Some of us may be two or three steps ahead, but all you need is just to be one step ahead, and you can bring someone along with you.  It is okay to bring someone else along with you because you are following someone else too.  You are not doing it yourself because you are also looking to Christ.  That is Jesus Christ’s strategy of world evangelism.

But remember, you cannot pass on something that you don’t have.  That is why it is so important that you grow in God.  In DUMC, in a safe country, we have plenty of opportunities to grow.  But why are we not taking these opportunities to grow? 

Apostle Paul has shown us three things that we must reproduce in people.  He brought up the analogy of the soldier, athlete and farmer. 

Soldier: Obedience and a clear mission call
Being a soldier imitates the obedience and a clear mission call. 

You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.  No one serving as a soldier gets entangled in civilian affairs, but rather tries to please his commanding officer.  (2 Timothy 2:3-4)

In other words, Apostle Paul is saying to Timothy, obedience is key.  You need to obey God and teach others to obey Him.  When you obey God, God is going to challenge you to do things that we do not want to do.  But as a soldier, we will obey.  So that is something we have to reproduce in our disciples. 

Expect hardship as you follow Him.  During the days of Apostle Paul, there are very few full-time soldiers.  Many of these soldiers are farmers, blacksmiths, etc., but they will be called into and paid for their service.  And they will be away for a period of time before returning home.  They will miss their families, but they will obey their commanding officer and go. 

In the movie Gladiators, Caesar asked Maximus how long he has been away from his home, to which Maximus replied, two years, 246 days and this morning.  In other words, he was longing for his family.  He was counting the days.  But he will obey his commanding officer despite the hardship, and does what the commanding officer asks him to do.  He will only return home when the time is up.  That is called obedience and a clear mission call. To be ready for hardships and sacrifices - these are demanded of the Christian life. 

Do we understand that the Christian call is a call to obedience?  The Christian life is a life of spiritual warfare, whether you like it or not.  When you are a man, you are a warrior, fighting for your rights.  Too many men are losing their own lives and families to the world.  Therefore, we need to learn to be soldiers of Christ.  Every man should recognise that he is a soldier of Jesus Christ and should fight for what is his.  That is the spirit of a soldier/warrior that we need to reproduce in men. 

Athlete: Discipline – play by the rules
Similarly, anyone who competes as an athlete does not receive the victor’s crown except by competing according to the rules. (2 Timothy 2:5)

As an athlete, we train people to be disciplined.  There are rules that we play by.  In ancient Greece, before an athlete competes, he needs to go before the god of that time, Zeus, as well as the priests to say that they have already been training for ten months for the games.  If they have not trained for ten months, then they are out of the competition. 

That is why we need to reproduce discipline in disciples.  They would then do what is right and will not fumble.  In DUMC, there are many platforms that can be used to help with our Christian life. 

For example, cell groups, whereby there is a community people who can help you.  We must be disciplined in our family lives as well, such as making time for our spouse and children.  The School of Leadership programme helps make you strong. So, have the discipline to sign up and mark it in your calendar.  There are many platforms in DUMC that will help you grow but it takes discipline. 

Farmer: Perseverance and hard work with an end in mind
The hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops.  Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this.  (2 Timothy 2:6-7)

The hardworking farmer perseveres and does not give up.  Even when the going gets tough, he keeps going because he has a fruit in mind.  What you need to reproduce in people is the ability to look long-term.  You look say 10 years down the road and see what your disciple would become when we disciple them properly. 


Do the soldier, athlete and farmer speak to you about your life?  Because that is what you need to reproduce in people.  And you cannot reproduce, if you do not have it.  Pastor Chris then challenged us to put some simple goals in our personal life and grow in those areas.  There is no easy Christianity.  Often, we do not take our faith seriously enough. 

Pastor Chris then quoted A. W. Tozer in Men Who Met God: ‘We must face the fact that many today are notoriously careless in their living.  This attitude finds its way into the church.  We have liberty, we have money, we live in comparative luxury.  As a result, discipline has practically disappeared.  What would a violin solo sound like if the strings on the musician’s instrument were all hanging loose, not stretched tight, not ‘disciplined’?’ 

B. Reproduce
We need to toughen up ourselves a lot more in our lives. 

Remember Jesus Christ, raised from the dead, descended from David.  This is my gospel, for which I am suffering even to the point of being chained like a criminal. But God’s word is not chained.  Therefore, I endure everything for the sake of the elect that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory.  Here is a trustworthy saying:   If we died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him.  If we disown him, he will also disown us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself. (2 Timothy 2:8-13)

In all that you do, Christ must be the centre.  When you reproduce yourself in other people, Christ must be the centre, because Christ gave an example of what it means to give His life to us.  Therefore, when He gives His life to us, how are we then to give our lives to somebody else? The greatest gift that God has given to us is the gift of eternal life.  And that is the greatest gift that you can give to somebody else.  But the second greatest gift after the gift of eternal salvation is to help the new believer grow so that he may be the man or woman that he or she ought to be.  That is discipleship.

Pastor Chris shared that he has been discipled by many people in his life.  He has followed some people very closely in his life journey. For some others, he followed from a distance.  There are also some where he followed by reading their books.  Pastor Chris is a good follower even until today.  But he is also a good observer of people. 

Disciplers
Pastor Chris shared some of his experiences with some of his disciplers over the years. 

Brother Rick Small whom Pastor Chris met while he was still studying in Australia, requested to meet up with him every Friday to work through issues like his prayer life and his quiet time.  He would also bring Pastor Chris along as he goes out to share Christ with other people.  Pastor Chris is to watch how he does it.  That is what Pastor Chris did every Friday for one whole year. 

Also during Pastor Chris’ university years, he met with Pastor Milton, a university pastor, who has a great compassion for people who are hurting.  Only when Pastor Chris was in ministry did he realise that it is true that people are hurting all the time. Pastor Milton taught Pastor Chris about compassion for people. 

Pastor Chris also met this other couple, Max and Irene Williams during his years in Australia.  They taught him what it means to have a Christian family.  They did not really teach this directly; he just watched their family life, and how they expressed their love for each other. 

In DUMC, Brother Yeoh Beng Keat, who is Amy’s father, actually mentored Pastor Chris to be prophetic.  Pastor Dr Ling taught Pastor Chris about having a passion for missions.  Pastor Kee taught Pastor Chris about family, hospitality and how they bring up their children.  Pastor Chris also shared that Elder Wong Cheng Mun and his wife Elena, who are the most humble people he has ever met, and he told himself that he wants to imitate them.  Senior Pastor Dr Daniel Ho taught Pastor Chris to have focus and faith in building Dream Centre.  For Pastor Edmund Chan and Wayne Cordeiro, Pastor Chris modelled after them from a distance, and he fell in love with the Word of God because of them. 

It is time for us to pour ourselves to other people.  The greatest joy that Pastor Chris and Stella had last year was when their youngest son Ashton, told them that they had taught him to love God more.  His second son, Shaun shared that they taught him how to handle the Word of God better as he talks to people, just like how his parents do the same when they talk to people.  Pastor Chris and Stella were also thrilled when his eldest son, Ian, asked him if it was possible for parents to conduct pre-marital counselling for their own children.  Ian requested that his parents themselves conduct pre-marital counselling on him, because he has seen how his parents had conducted the same on others. 

Discipleship is not about the big things you do for people.  Sometimes, people do catch the little things that you do like story of Mr Holland. 

Mr Holland’s Opus
Pastor Chris then shared from an extract of the movie, Mr Holland’s Opus, starring Richard Dreyfuss, which is about a high school teacher, Mr Holland, whose desire was to be the composer of a symphony, which was his first love.  He wanted to compose music and be famous.   But because of the situation in his life, he remained a high school teacher for 30 years, in the same school. 

The final scene depicts Mr Holland’s last day of teaching as he was about to retire.  He wondered if he has made a difference, if people would have remembered what he has done, or whether he has wasted his life.  This is because in his mind, he still wanted to write the symphony. 

The excerpt of the movie shown is as follows:
On his final day as a teacher, Mr Holland is led to the school auditorium.  Hearing that their beloved teacher is leaving, hundreds of his pupils have secretly returned to the school to celebrate his life.  His wife and son arranged for musicians to perform, as a surprise to Mr Holland.  One of his students who became the Governor of the town asked the retiring teacher to serve as their conductor for their performance, as the curtain is raised to reveal an orchestra made up of his students over the past 30 years.  His wife and son looked on, appreciating the affection and respect that Mr Holland received, as he lifted the baton and began to conduct his opus.

Pastor Chris shared that in the lives of the world, Mr Holland may be a failure because he did not compose a symphony, but he has invested into the lives of so many students. That is his symphony. Over 30 years, he has made an impact in each of their lives. 

Pastor Chris’ prayer is for God to challenge us to live lives more purposefully. We are to live a life where we can reproduce ourselves in others, be strong in the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and to help us lead lives where others would like to imitate.

Would you reproduce and remember Christ?