Guardians or Fathers?

I have been surveying young adults with this question: “Is there someone in your life, someone older and wiser spiritually, whom you can turn to for godly counsel and advice?” Only one out of ten say they have one. I would presume from that answer they cannot even go to their parents, especially their fathers, for such a need. It saddens my heart that young people are left on their own to figure out what to do in life, or via their peers or the google. While they may have information at their fingertips, yet what they lack is the wisdom learned through experiences, hard knocks and spiritual maturity. Why should they repeat the same mistakes that others further down the journey had committed? Or on a positive note, take the route of successes?

It is clear from Scriptures that God is concern that history doesn’t repeat itself. Romans 15:4 “For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.” 1 Corinthians 10:11 “These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come.” But our stubborn and sinful hearts are foolish enough often to ignore the wisdom that is already there, not just in the Bible, but also in older people who have “eaten more salt then we have eaten rice”. That is the beauty of generations and there should be no reason why any generation cannot do better than the previous one in terms of their moral influence and social impact.

There seems to be an invisible barrier. Sociologists have termed this as the generational gap and our Enemy relishes that fact. But it was never God’s design. We observe in Deuteronomy 6:4-9 that the family is central to God’s redemptive plan. He is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, a clear affirmation of passing on of one’s birthright and heritage from one generation to the next. This is very much a relational model of the Jewish family, where the Shema is regularly recited. Certainly the spirit of this command is not merely a ritual that one goes through, but the deliberate connecting of hearts of the fathers to their children when they talked about the commandments of God in their daily living. In this fast pace society, we can understand the problems of tired fathers, who are present but not really present. One man shared honestly at a Men Alive! meeting: “We give our best at work and by the time we reach home, we are at our worst.” The fathers’ role is now limited to be a financial provider and disciplinarian of last resort. Mother-child relationship became central and fathers are peripheral. 

A child is more likely to see God as his Father if he sees God in his own father. Ken Canfield, author of “The 7 Secrets of Effective Fathers”, used this metaphor: “We are fathers like God is a father. We are walking object lessons to our children on who God is.” Malachi’s last words in the Old Testament were that the Elijah would come and “He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers.” (Malachi 4:6) When God unites the hearts of the fathers to their children, and vice versa, we are not merely talking about restoring the rightful authority the fathers have over their children, but the rightful relational ties with each other. Through that, generations thereafter will have a right understanding of who God is and right theology determines right behavior in fathering our children and showing them the way to have a personal relation with God.

My heart’s desire is to see intergenerational discipling starting first and foremost in the family. If discipling does not take place in the home, it will not take place in the church because the family unit is a microcosm of the wider Body. Fathers need to recognize that they are not merely legal guardians of their children. Every man can be a biological father, but not every man knows how to be a spiritual and godly one. Apostle Paul repeatedly extols the need to father the Body of Christ. 1 Cor 4:15-17 "Even though you have ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. Therefore I urge you to imitate me." (The “guardian” in this context is a slave tutor in a Roman family that supervises the child.) Fathers need to be spiritual. 1 John 2:12-14 sets the path of spiritual development for everyone to grow from a child to a father. The fathers in our midst know the heart of God intimately and live out a life desiring the pleasure of God. He models the same to his children. I believe this fathering and discipling mandate is first given to biological fathers and then to other older men and women in partnership within the Church to disciple the younger ones. 

In our Christian Church, not only do we have the biological family, we are blessed with a wider body of a spiritual family. The Christian faith is not just an individual faith. There is every indication especially by Apostle Paul to remind us that we are part of the Body (1 Cor 12:12-31; 27-31; Rom 12:4-5). So we do affect one another for the better or for the worse! “Am I my brother’s keeper?” (Gen 4:9) was the first disastrous effect of the sin of murder. Sin kills the family bond. We who are older and more mature must take the responsibilities of discipling younger people and training them to be godly parents some day.

The command given in the New Testament to bring up our children “in the training and instruction of the Lord” is given to fathers, although it certainly is applicable to mothers as well. Fathers are singled out and the implication is that one day the Lord will single us out too when we are asked about our children. It is not good enough to provide for them by giving them the fish. Teach them to fish so that they are well equipped spiritually not just to be good people, but to exemplify a transformed Christ-centered life!

Differences between a leader and a follower

This morning reading from our E-100 planner on Genesis 42, shows something that is quite amusing. The opening verses: ¹ When Jacob learned that there was grain in Egypt, he said to his sons, “Why do you just keep looking at each other?” ² He continued, “I have heard that there is grain in Egypt. Go down there and buy some for us, so that we may live and not die.”

I was amused by the phrase: “Why do you just keep looking at each other?” I can imagine the remaining 11 sons (with Joseph sold to Egypt) sitting around mourning and groaning about their situation, the famine that had struck their land. Jacob must be quite frustrated at the passivity of his sons and hence his remark.

Two things can be observed here:

1. The lack of leadership with these men. It is also reflection of how the father had brought them up to be. This is of course speculative, but certainly deductive. If you want to know the father, look at the sons! There is some truth to that. From all 12 sons, came the nation of Israel. It is hard to imagine. What comes out over and over again in biblical stories is this. It is really not about how good or how capable we are. It is about how good, faithful and merciful God is to us. In the light of that, that's why Jesus said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15:5)

2. Jacob showed favoritism to Rachel's sons, Joseph (Genesis 37:3) and Benjamin (Genesis 42:38). This is obvious to everyone and I am sure the other sons felt it for many years. Favoritism seems to be prevalent among the patriarchs and their wives. Isaac towards Esau and Rebekah towards Jacob. This caused an on-going feud to more than 3,500 years later, instilling a spirit of competition, strife, and resentment between the two brothers. This favoritism of Isaac spilled down to Jacob who favored Joseph. Both scored bad marks for their fathering on this count. There are many fathering stories in the Bible and it would do us good to learn from them, what to do and what not to do. Favoritism had done untold damage, including molding the sons to be who they are.

Coming back to my point. The leadership lesson learnt is this:

Followers wait for things to happen. Leaders make things happen!

Simple truth. The bane of families today are men who will not make things happen in their families. Spiritual and moral leadership have been delegated by default to their wives, or abdicated. Worse still, what if even the wives abdicate that role too. This leaves the children spiritually leaderless and morally starved. For that matter, one can be a captain and successful in the corporate world but a loser at home. Think about that.

The Corporate Genius of Moses

Actually not so much of Moses but Jethro, his father-in-law. It is his humble leadership that allowed Jethro to speak into his life. (Exodus 18) Moses took the advice and save him from himself (burnout) and from his people (unhappiness due to their long wait and possibly coming back the next day). 

Moses' shepherding heart is clearly seen here. He had 40 years experience of that in the same desert looking after sheep where he is in exodus now with his people. You can see his compassionate heart to listen to and resolve the problems of his people. 

¹³ The next day Moses took his seat to serve as judge for the people, and they stood around him from morning till evening. ¹⁴ When his father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, he said, "What is this you are doing for the people? Why do you alone sit as judge, while all these people stand around you from morning till evening?"

 ¹⁵ Moses answered him, "Because the people come to me to seek God's will. ¹⁶ Whenever they have a dispute, it is brought to me, and I decide between the parties and inform them of God's decrees and laws."

While this sounds noble, you can imagine the impossible task of looking after a population of 603,550 men of over 20 years old. Add the womenfolk and children, we are talking about in excess of 2 million! Moses could not see what was outside with the people as he deals with the individual cases, the waiting and the complaining, and possibly arguments and small fights that took place between the offending and offended parties. They had to take a number and wait their turn.

Jethro had probably walked around and observed everything, at least for a day we know. He is the corporate consultant who saw a problem and provided a corporate strategy to deal with this problem. Two problems existed:

1. The immensity of the task in governing the people by a single person.

2. The training of people for leadership under him. If Moses continues to go solo, his people will not develop in leadership.

Jethro provided a simple model:

 ¹⁷ Moses' father-in-law replied, "What you are doing is not good. ¹⁸ You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone. ¹⁹ Listen now to me and I will give you some advice, and may God be with you. You must be the people's representative before God and bring their disputes to him. ²⁰ Teach them the decrees and laws, and show them the way to live and the duties they are to perform. ²¹ But select capable men from all the people—men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain—and appoint them as officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. ²² Have them serve as judges for the people at all times, but have them bring every difficult case to you; the simple cases they can decide themselves. That will make your load lighter, because they will share it with you. ²³ If you do this and God so commands, you will be able to stand the strain, and all these people will go home satisfied."

Jethro's advice is:

1. Pray for them (v19)

2. Teach them (v21) - Don't give them the fish that last a day. Teach them to fish for themselves to last a lifetime. 

3. Select men with the following criteria - capable, fear God, trustworthy, upright and honest (meaning, men who have spiritual character and leadership skills)

4. Put them to lead over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. (A multi-level structure)

5. Have a philosophy of empowerment - simple cases they decide. Moses will only take the difficult ones.

The fruit? (v23)

Moses will live longer and not die early due to burnout and the people will go home satisfied.

We see in Moses the pastors of many churches today. Not only do they place this unrealistic expectations on themselves, the church members as well. No wonder many pastors cannot last the pace and if they do, ministry has become a lonely and burdensome task. Our church structures and practices today encourages the great clergy-laity divide. 10% of the people doing 90% of the work. 22 players in the football field badly needing rest and 10,000 people in the stand needing exercise. 

This is unfortunate because we loose out on God's design for the church. The church is not the pastor, but everyone in it. We are called to be a kingdom of priests. (1 Peter 2:9) Everyone exercising the role of priests but we have relegated that role to the pastor or leaders. How often have we heard phrases like these:

• Pastor's prayer is more powerful than ours.
• Pastor must be invited to this occasion, do house-cleansing, baby dedications, etc.
• Pastor must visit every person in church.
• Pastor must visit every sick person in hospital or at home
• Pastor must sit in every committee as he is the spiritual leader

As a pastor, I agree these are important roles but are these the most effective way to disciple the church by doing everything? Of course we will do them but to what extent? Jethro's advice to Moses was to teach the people how to live. Meaning, teach the people to live such a way that they do not start unnecessary fires in the first place. In other words, don't just do fire-fighting, for they are very time-consuming and energy sapping. Rather, invest in fire-prevention. Teach, train and equip (v20-show them the way to live and the duties they are to perform) the people to live rightly. Disciple them so that they are people "chargers"  rather than people "dischargers". The devil's strategy is simple. Let the members think they have no power and therefore useless and make the pastor thinks he is a superman and wear him out.

Apostle Paul said in Ephesians 4:11-13 that the key function of the five-fold ministers in the church is not just to do the ministries, but to equip others to do them.

¹¹It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, ¹²to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up ¹³until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

The church need to re-discover this corporate strategy - which is fondly known as the "Jethro Principle". This is the principle at the heart of my church DUMC, which is a Cell Church. I have written an article some years back on this. You can read it here, here and here.

DUMC runs its annual Malaysia Cell Church Conference (MCCC), equipping and training churches in this corporate strategy. The 15th MCCC will be on 9-12 June 2011. Download this year's brochure here to have a feel what the conference topics are like.

So if someone comes up to you and ask why the church is copying a secular corporate structure, just tell them it's the secular business that is copying the church! John Wesley used the same strategy and sustained a revival that last a long time!

So pastors/leaders, go the long haul. Mobilize the Bride of Christ for the works of ministry!

Adjusting the Sails

This came from the Maxwell Leadership Bible. I was drawn to the reminder of what it takes to be a great leader.

WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR ATTITUDES

Our destinies in life will never be determined by our complaining spirits or high expectations.

Life is full of surprises, and the adjustment of our attitudes is a lifelong project.

              The pessimist complains about the wind.

              The optimist expects it to change.

              The leader adjusts the sails.

We choose what attitudes we have right now. And it’s a continuing choice. I am amazed at the large number of adults who fail to take responsibility for their attitudes. If they’re grumpy and someone who asks why, they’ll say, “I got up on the wrong side of the bed.” When failure begins to plague their lives, they’ll say, “I was born on the wrong side of the tracks.” When life begins to flatten out and others in the family are still climbing, they’ll say, “Well, I was in the wrong birth order in my family.” When their marriages fail, they believe they married the wrong person. When someone else gets a promotion they wanted, it’s because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Do you notice something? They are blaming everyone else for their problems.

The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That’s the day we truly grow up.-Developing the Leader Within You

CHOOSE TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW YOU VIEW YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES.

1 Timothy - Some thoughts

Bible scholars tend to agree that Paul's letters to Timothy and Titus (three letters) form a distinct group. They are all different from his other letters, except for Philemon, as they are addressed to churches. In most of his epistles, he talked about doctrines in the first half and practical issues in the second. But in these three letters, it is practical from the word 'go'.

Due to the different style, contents and timeline, there are doubts to Paul's authorship. Please read Page 1085 of "Unlocking the Bible" to see Pawson's argument that lays that doubt to rest. Good read.

It's an amazing practical book. Let me share two thoughts

1 Tim 2:1-4

I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.

When we read this in the context of our present political system, not perfect, but plausible request and totally within our capacity humanly to pray. That is until we begin to recognize the times that Apostle Paul lived in. Emperor Nero was in power and this was one of the most difficult times Christians lived under. Go here to see how Christians were tortured and killed for something they were accused of to deflect the accusation against Emperor Nero for burning down three quarter of the city of Rome in 64 A.D. Many were killed by wild animals before crowds of spectators in the arena, while others were tied to posts, covered with flammable material, and used as human street lamps for Nero's gardens. It is difficult to imagine a more evil man.

Now, Paul is exhorting to us pray for those in authority. How and why did he do that? Humanly speaking, we would have prayed for the judgment of God on such oppressive leaders. But, Apostle Paul, with all the graciousness of a man in the Lord, did this with the perspective of a larger picture - that all men might be saved. He knew the Kingdom of God was larger than himself and he was prepared not to be distracted by the crisis of the moment. Do we know how to see beyond ourselves in the midst of great difficulties? It is learning to live above the circumstances and not under them!

1 Timothy 3 is a great chapter as a checklist in our leadership capacity. Here's a summary taken from the NIV Study Bible. Ask yourself, can you place a tick next to each qualification. Give it a try.

Qualifications for Elders/Overseers and Deacons

Apostle Paul's Three-Step Leadership

You should have just completed Ephesians, Jude and Philemon.

Apostle Paul wrote to the churches in Colossae, Ephesus and Philippi, and in between a personal letter to Philemon. His two years of house arrest led to these wonderful letters that have encouraged the church since.

Let me comment about the way Apostle Paul wrote to Philemon to appeal for Onesimus. Let me quote from the NIV Study Bible:

To win Philemon's willing acceptance of Onesimus, Paul writes very tactfully and in a lighthearted tone, which he creates with a wordplay*. The appeal (vv. 4-21) is organized in a way prescribed by ancient Greek and Roman teachers: to build rapport (vv. 4-10), to persuade the mind (vv. 11-19) and to move the emotions (vv. 20-21). The name Onesimus is not mentioned until the rapport has been built (v. 10), and the appeal itself is stated only near the end of the section to persuade the mind (v. 17).

* verse 11: Formerly he was useless to you, but now he has become useful both to you and to me.

Useless ... useful. A play on the meaning of Onesimus's name which means 'useful'.

Wow, I wrote in my journal that Apostle Paul is skilled in human relationship. Just as in all of his letters, he said something good before he said something to rebuke or correct. May we learn how to do that.

I call that Apostle Paul's "Three-step leadership":

1. Build Rapport (Relationship is very important as a starting point)

2. Persuade the Mind (Then reason with the person)

3. Move the Emotion (The goal is help the person to be self-motivated)

This reminds me of an adage I use frequently in my pastoral ministry and interactions with people:

You cannot exhort an unencouraged person.

Meaning, until the person is encouraged by your words and intention, it would be hard to correct him. Let's be an encourager first and foremost!