Thursday, July 7, 2011

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

This anonymous quote stumped me for awhile. On the third read did I really figure out what it means and I think it is a gem. Having counselled many trouble marriages, while it is no laughing matter with the abundance of marriage jokes, I often wondered why these couples got married in the first place. I am still a firm believer that it is better not to be married and remain a single, than to be married to the "wrong" person and suffer for the rest of your life. The life-long pain of broken marriages is just not worth the trouble. 
So sad .....

So when you go to the wedding altar, let your eyes be very wide open, to know who you are marrying and whether you are prepared to adapt to everything you know about the person, warts and all. Do not go into a marriage with a futures option, meaning, you are marrying the future him/her. He may change, or he may not. Otherwise, you will singing the song of England Dan and John Ford Coley, "It's Sad to Belong". I love this song during my teenage years not too many years ago :) It reminded me to be really careful about who I would marry some day. I did make a right choice, thank God! My wife can echo that too.

There is no such thing as irreconcilable differences in a marriage. Even if you are not 100% sure that the man or woman you are marrying is THE person (God's will if you want to put it that way), but after you are married, you are 100% sure after the vows. He/She IS God's will because there should never be a divorce in marriage in the first place. (Matthew 19:4-6) You choose to make it 100% certain and no option B exist. You just have to make it work. Often marriages fail because it is defeated at a very early stage in the mind. No one in their right mind wants to marry with an option for divorce. Therefore Romans 12:1-2 talks about the renewing of the mind. What we think and how we think will determine the way we respond.

The question asked of the couple and the vows they made for each other:

Joe, will you have this woman to be your wedded wife, to live together in the holy estate of matrimony?  Will you love her, comfort her, honour and keep her, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all other keep you only unto her so long as you both shall live?

I, Joe, take you, Jane, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge you my faith.

But sadly. couples, once madly in love with each other, can become the worst of enemies. I have seen this once too often. Hence the quote: Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.


  1. I've often heard... the woman marries, expecting the man to change - and he doesn't. The man marries, expecting the woman NOT to change, and she does.

  2. Absolutely right ... seen that too often.