Growing spiritually in the midst of bringing up young children

I created a discussion on my facebook page the issue of children in church celebrations. The thread has 64 entries to date with 40 'likes'. I would like to highlight one of my replies:

To respond to Kevin Lim's comment: "This topic was raised in another forum before and there were many responses from parents, especially moms, who were genuinely seeking refreshing from God during celebrations which would not happen if their children were with them. The need to supervise and guard their kids would rob them of the time with God and defeat the purpose of participating in church for them."

I understand perfectly that part. It's like me and Stella cautioning young parents in a humorous way, that they can forget about a peaceful night sleep for the next 15 years. It is a price every parent has to go through, but we pray that the joys outweigh the "traumas". It would be naive to suggest that we can still have everything the way before once we have children. The fact is, everything changes the moment we have children and that includes celebration, our sleep and even our intimate moments. For e.g., if we expect celebrations to be the only source of refreshment for our spiritual life, then it is a dangerous assumption because whether we like it or not, children will be a distraction no matter how well trained they are (it's a matter of whether it is in a small or big way).

So the wisdom would be, in what way can I be refreshed other than celebrations, in what ways can I physically rest, and in what ways can we still nurture our marriage relationship? This is all part of maturing and I have always said that if we cannot do that when we are without children, there's no way we can do that when we do. It starts way before that, and hence the need to disciple our young adults prior even to their marriage. They need to see real encouraging models.

We have to become creative in doing that. God has often ministered to me through a great sermon while driving. I have even wept and cried listening to a worship song while driving to work. God has also spoken powerfully through a bible passage during devotional time. These are exceptional moments that God in His mercy gives when we are desperate enough. It is okay to be honest and say "God, I know I have a responsibility to coach my children to be part of the Christian community during celebrations and you know how distracted I can become. Can you minister to me during moments in the other 6 days of the week? Will you help me encounter you at home and at work?"

This is a ministry hazard that pastors have to handle which many of you may not realize. I am so used to the church environment because it is part of my work and there's such a temptation to be in celebrations and operate in a work mindset cos there are many things we have to be mindful of during celebrations. Before I work full time in church, going to church was a very refreshing thing to do after a hectic week. But for those of us who work in the church, it is conscious effort for us to remain fresh. That's why the Monday Sabbath for us is crucial to keep us "sane" and refreshed. God has spoken to me in the most unexpected times other than "church" that it is a habit I have learnt to inculcate, even while listening to a sermon on a threadmill. You will be surprised how God talks to me while exercising.

My advice to young parents would be, recognize the fact that you will be distracted and this is for the sake of your children. Pray and ask God to refresh you in different ways and it's okay to be distracted during celebrations. My wife and I, now that our boys have grown up, are truly enjoying the freedom we have now to grow ourselves and our marriage. We are thankful for the many distractions we have had and seeing our children growing to love God for themselves. We look at them and smile with gratitude to our Heavenly Father.