Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

This anonymous quote stumped me for awhile. On the third read did I really figure out what it means and I think it is a gem. Having counselled many trouble marriages, while it is no laughing matter with the abundance of marriage jokes, I often wondered why these couples got married in the first place. I am still a firm believer that it is better not to be married and remain a single, than to be married to the "wrong" person and suffer for the rest of your life. The life-long pain of broken marriages is just not worth the trouble. 

So sad .....

So when you go to the wedding altar, let your eyes be very wide open, to know who you are marrying and whether you are prepared to adapt to everything you know about the person, warts and all. Do not go into a marriage with a futures option, meaning, you are marrying the future him/her. He may change, or he may not. Otherwise, you will singing the song of England Dan and John Ford Coley, "It's Sad to Belong". I love this song during my teenage years not too many years ago :) It reminded me to be really careful about who I would marry some day. I did make a right choice, thank God! My wife can echo that too.

There is no such thing as irreconcilable differences in a marriage. Even if you are not 100% sure that the man or woman you are marrying is THE person (God's will if you want to put it that way), but after you are married, you are 100% sure after the vows. He/She IS God's will because there should never be a divorce in marriage in the first place. (Matthew 19:4-6) You choose to make it 100% certain and no option B exist. You just have to make it work. Often marriages fail because it is defeated at a very early stage in the mind. No one in their right mind wants to marry with an option for divorce. Therefore Romans 12:1-2 talks about the renewing of the mind. What we think and how we think will determine the way we respond.

The question asked of the couple and the vows they made for each other:

Joe, will you have this woman to be your wedded wife, to live together in the holy estate of matrimony?  Will you love her, comfort her, honour and keep her, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all other keep you only unto her so long as you both shall live?

I, Joe, take you, Jane, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge you my faith.

But sadly. couples, once madly in love with each other, can become the worst of enemies. I have seen this once too often. Hence the quote: Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

What Should Marriage Do to Us?

It is a busy weekend for me, with two weddings to officiate. I am often reminded of my own marriage when I do this, just as I am reminded of the frailty and purpose of life when I conduct a funeral. I have always encouraged the people present to reflect intentionally on their life during these occasions. In a wedding, we preach not just to the couple, but to all, whether married or single. In a funeral, it is for the living. That's why pastors and teachers of the Bible are in such a privilege position because we are reminded often about the role of Scriptures and God's commandments in our life. Conversely, we are also told that we will be judged more harshly because knowledge of the Bible is not just about knowing, but doing. (James 4:17 Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.)

Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. (James 3:1) 

For much is given, much is also expected. 

From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. (Luke 12:48)

But this is all good, because the exhortations are for our betterment unless we are foolish enough not to heed God's Word.

Matthew 7:24-27

 ²⁴ “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. ²⁵ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. ²⁶But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. ²⁷ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

At the wedding this morning, I quoted the following from Josh McDowell:

If you want to get married, you must make sure your marriage will give you a greater love for the Lord, the things of the Lord, a greater prospect of ministry. If not stay single.

Often young people get into marriage wondering what they can get out of it. In a godly maturing relationship, we learn how to give of ourselves into it. Love in the Bible is not merely a feeling word. It is not just about feeling good. It is about doing good to the other person even if we don't feel like it.

McDowell hits the nail on the head. In my paraphrase of what he is saying, 1 + 1 is not equal to 2, but 1 + 1 equal 10. If my marriage cannot bring me beyond what I can do for myself, then it will be a mediocre marriage. Physically, this is demonstrated in procreation. It is something I cannot do myself. I need my spouse for that. That's the synergistic nature of marriage. Emotionally, socially, cognitively and spiritually, we can multiply what's good in each other because we are married.

Therefore if marriage is purely for companionship, that's a low view of what this life-long relationship is meant to be. In fact, Apostle Paul likened the relationship between Jesus and His Church with that of a marriage. (Ephesians 5:22-33).

So young people, take note of the high calling of marriage.

Don't marry someone you can live with. 

Marry someone you can't live without.