Life Seasonings - Principle 2 of 10

Principle 2 : Marry your best friend (Till the day you die)

Marriage is a life-time commitment. At the wedding altar, couples exchanged their vows: “For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.” It is a vow made where there are no exceptions to the rule, irreconcilable differences or circumstances that can break the marriage vow. The Lord himself confirmed the original intent of God in life-long commitment (Matthew 19:8). Certainly we don’t marry just to have a companion because many other people can be good companions. It would be naïve to suggest that one should marry because it is time to do so. Putting two people together for a life-time commitment who have absolutely nothing in common with each other is to invite disaster on an unprecedented scale, if you do not know this yet! One is a man and the other a woman, how different can you get?

I remember an adage: Don’t marry someone you can live with. Marry someone whom you can’t live without. Hmmm … that’s a good thought. One plus one, in a marriage, should not be two, but maybe five, or even ten. What can’t I do as single, which I can only do when I get married, apart from having babies, that is? I cannot fathom the thoughts of some married people who seem to give the impression that they are ‘stuck’ in an unhappy marriage. Instead of being a blessing to each other and the people around them, they spend their entire married life putting out fires in their relationship. How terrible that must be, considering that you are to live with each other for 40 or 50 years. No wonder they take the easy way out – divorce. The kind of brokenness that results must be heart-breaking, especially if there are children involved.

To those looking for a life-long mate, the point is simple. If you are to live with someone for the next 40 or 50 years, you jolly well marry someone who is your best friend, someone you can really truly enjoy being together with. He or she must be your best friend that you will learn to love and accept unconditionally. Not that there are no valleys in the relationship, but in these circumstances, the stronger one holds the weaker one up. Best friend become “best-ter” friends over the years and best friends never quit on each other. Best friends operate interdependently and are secure with each other’s uniqueness and successes. Solomon wife’s calls him “This is my lover, this is friend.” (Song of Solomon 5:16)

Life Seasonings - Principle 1 of 10

Principle 1 : It’s my fault (Taking personal responsibility)

We play the blame game all the time. When something goes wrong, it is always somebody else’s fault. We rarely admit we are in the wrong as first response. This is the sinful state of our human mind which originated with Adam and Eve: “She made me do it.” “The Serpent deceived me.” (Genesis 3:12,13) Counsellors call it blame-shifting. It doesn’t matter whether we are young or old, we blame-shift all the time and the greatest disservice that happens when we do that is we don’t see the plank right in front of our eyes (Matthew 7:1-5).

As Christians, we are to learn to be over comers in our life. I heard in one of Rev. Dr. A.R. Bernard’s talk: “We are not human beings trying to have a spiritual experience. Rather, we are spiritual beings trying to master our earthly circumstances.” What a profound biblical truth put in a fresh new way! We often adopt a fatalistic outlook in life, that we have no control over our circumstances and hence the choices we can make. “My circumstances forced me to behave this way”, when often it is the refusal to take personal responsibilities that is the problem.

When we point our index finger at someone, the other three fingers are pointing back at us. When things go wrong, while we can’t control the circumstances or other people, we can certainly and must control our responses. Maturity is about having the courage to admit that I am at fault and will take responsibility over my contribution to the problem and allow others to realize theirs. When this is an agreed ground rule to relationship, can you imagine the impact it has to human society. There will be no more wars!

Life Seasonings - Ten Principles I live by

I mentioned in my last post that I will upload a series of articles I wrote for DUMC's Floodgates on the Ten Principles I live by. These are the principles I realized I consistently apply and guided me in the many decisions I have to make in the last 50 years of my life. Here it goes with the introductory and thereafter, it will be a principle at a time. These are the unedited version of my articles before it went to the editor. Happy reading!

INTRODUCTION

If ever there’s a book I would like to write, I would title it “Life’s Seasoning”.  Life itself is our best teacher, guided and directed by the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God, the Bible. Just the mere fact of living life, is a privilege to be savored and relished. Some lived it well, others wasted it and most I think lived it mediocrely. If only we would learn to respond wisely and react less to life’s circumstances, we could have emerged less scathed and stronger in character. Pains and sufferings are as much part of life as are blessings and prosperity. There are no guarantees to either, yet we can respond wisely to whatever comes our way. Being in blessings is no more spiritual than being in pain. What matter most is how we have lived life the best that we can. God doesn’t hold us accountable to those things that we don’t have or having a responsibility for. He only holds us to that which we have control over.

Lately, I have been asking myself, if I could list down ten things (or principles) by which I lived my life by, things which I feel passionately about and would dedicate not to just live by them but to teach and model to others to do the same, what would that ten things be? This led me hours of writing down in raw forms what these statements are, fine-tuning and finally selecting these ten things. They are by no means exhaustive of all that God had taught me and learnt through life’s experiences. But these will be, as of now, what are most important to me.

I will list these ten things here in this article and from here on in the next five articles following this, I will elaborate what they mean. Some may be repetitive from previous articles that I have written but hopefully presented in a different and fresh perspective. Here it goes:

1.         It’s my fault (Taking personal responsibility)

2.         Marry your best friend (Till the day you die)

3.         Have Peace (Will it matter in a thousand years?)

4.         Make time for people (Leave them better than when you found them)

5.         Have a good sense of humor (Learn to laugh)

6.         Grow well and deep (Be like an oak tree)

7.         Walk in freedom (Walk light)

8.         Life is short (Don’t waste it)

9.         Rooftop principle (Don’t even go there)

10.     Reflect often (Make many pit stops)

There you have it. Most of these phrases are in themselves self-explanatory. The key challenge I have for you here is, are you able to write down what’s important for you and are you prepared to live by them? Just this morning, I was in conversation with a brother who has taken quite a beating in his career for the last twelve years. Job after job lasted only about two years or less. His key reason for not staying long in these jobs is simply his desire to stay true to his moral conviction and ethical stand in his business dealings. With tears welling in his eyes as he related them, I could not comfort him with a reason why he had to go through all these. Or why God has not vindicated him or provided a way out. Or I could tell him he made bad decisions about the company he is joining. As I feel for the brother and the pain he is going through, all I could say at the end of it is simply this: “You have passed the character test, brother, and you have honored the Lord.” I could see how this affirmation encouraged him in spite of what he is going through. What does this mean for him? That “blessing and prosperity” will be with him from here on if he applied the right formula? No one can guarantee that. In fact, that would be plain self-centeredness if we go by the adage that when we do something for God, He will do something for us. The emphasis is on self and not God, and we are in the danger of becoming a consumeristic driven religion. But what if God didn’t answer the way we wanted Him too. Is God any less? That’s where our values and understanding of God comes in. Are our convictions dependent on circumstances or are they God dependent? But one thing I know for certain for this brother. He can sleep well every night from here on because he does not only know the truth, he lived it out as well. Such is the power of a clear conscience and a life of integrity.

How about you? What are your ten things that you live by?

Turning 50

I turned 50 on 4 Oct 2010. Half a century! Sounds like a long time but it's really like a twinkling of an eye. In another twinkling of an eye, I will be 70, what the Bible says,  3 scores and 10 years, i.e. 70 years.

Psalms 90:10

The length of our days is seventy years— or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away. 

I was asked last weekend at our church's Baptism and Encounter Weekend what were my "secrets" that kept me going for the last 50 years and keeping the passion. Interestingly, these were the answers I gave on my feet. Three quick answers:

1. Keep a close relationship with God.

2. Keep a close relationship with your family, especially your wife.

3. Keep a close relationship with yourself.

The first one is vital as God is the author and perfecter of our faith. When God is central, everything else falls into place.

The second one is crucial as the Bible is crystal clear: 1 Timothy 3:5 "If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?

Why do I say "especially your wife"? Because she is the closest person I can ever get to know and she's to be my best friend and partner! If I am not at peace in my home front, everything else will fall apart and I would not have the integrity to carry on.

Thirdly, know yourself with deep sense of humility. As a pastor, I am often very concern when people put us on a higher pedestal than we deserve. We are after all human and prone to all human frailties. The older I grow, the more I recognize my own shortcomings, and the more I need the Lord. No wonder Apostle Paul, the hero of our faith, says this: 

1 Corinthians 10:12

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!

That was in the context of the learning from the past failures of recorded human failings in the Bible and the ubiquitous temptations.

Keeping and maintaining a humble attitude will help us be a learner for life.

In our church bi-monthly magazine Floodgates, I wrote a series of articles titled: "Life Seasonings - Ten Principles I live by." It is a series of articles that I wrote as a form of personal reflection having lived life for almost half a century.

I will post the unedited version one principle at a time for the next few weeks. Hope you will glean some wisdom for yourself.

The Corporate Genius of Moses

Actually not so much of Moses but Jethro, his father-in-law. It is his humble leadership that allowed Jethro to speak into his life. (Exodus 18) Moses took the advice and save him from himself (burnout) and from his people (unhappiness due to their long wait and possibly coming back the next day). 

Moses' shepherding heart is clearly seen here. He had 40 years experience of that in the same desert looking after sheep where he is in exodus now with his people. You can see his compassionate heart to listen to and resolve the problems of his people. 

¹³ The next day Moses took his seat to serve as judge for the people, and they stood around him from morning till evening. ¹⁴ When his father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, he said, "What is this you are doing for the people? Why do you alone sit as judge, while all these people stand around you from morning till evening?"

 ¹⁵ Moses answered him, "Because the people come to me to seek God's will. ¹⁶ Whenever they have a dispute, it is brought to me, and I decide between the parties and inform them of God's decrees and laws."

While this sounds noble, you can imagine the impossible task of looking after a population of 603,550 men of over 20 years old. Add the womenfolk and children, we are talking about in excess of 2 million! Moses could not see what was outside with the people as he deals with the individual cases, the waiting and the complaining, and possibly arguments and small fights that took place between the offending and offended parties. They had to take a number and wait their turn.

Jethro had probably walked around and observed everything, at least for a day we know. He is the corporate consultant who saw a problem and provided a corporate strategy to deal with this problem. Two problems existed:

1. The immensity of the task in governing the people by a single person.

2. The training of people for leadership under him. If Moses continues to go solo, his people will not develop in leadership.

Jethro provided a simple model:

 ¹⁷ Moses' father-in-law replied, "What you are doing is not good. ¹⁸ You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone. ¹⁹ Listen now to me and I will give you some advice, and may God be with you. You must be the people's representative before God and bring their disputes to him. ²⁰ Teach them the decrees and laws, and show them the way to live and the duties they are to perform. ²¹ But select capable men from all the people—men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain—and appoint them as officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. ²² Have them serve as judges for the people at all times, but have them bring every difficult case to you; the simple cases they can decide themselves. That will make your load lighter, because they will share it with you. ²³ If you do this and God so commands, you will be able to stand the strain, and all these people will go home satisfied."

Jethro's advice is:

1. Pray for them (v19)

2. Teach them (v21) - Don't give them the fish that last a day. Teach them to fish for themselves to last a lifetime. 

3. Select men with the following criteria - capable, fear God, trustworthy, upright and honest (meaning, men who have spiritual character and leadership skills)

4. Put them to lead over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. (A multi-level structure)

5. Have a philosophy of empowerment - simple cases they decide. Moses will only take the difficult ones.

The fruit? (v23)

Moses will live longer and not die early due to burnout and the people will go home satisfied.

We see in Moses the pastors of many churches today. Not only do they place this unrealistic expectations on themselves, the church members as well. No wonder many pastors cannot last the pace and if they do, ministry has become a lonely and burdensome task. Our church structures and practices today encourages the great clergy-laity divide. 10% of the people doing 90% of the work. 22 players in the football field badly needing rest and 10,000 people in the stand needing exercise. 

This is unfortunate because we loose out on God's design for the church. The church is not the pastor, but everyone in it. We are called to be a kingdom of priests. (1 Peter 2:9) Everyone exercising the role of priests but we have relegated that role to the pastor or leaders. How often have we heard phrases like these:

• Pastor's prayer is more powerful than ours.
• Pastor must be invited to this occasion, do house-cleansing, baby dedications, etc.
• Pastor must visit every person in church.
• Pastor must visit every sick person in hospital or at home
• Pastor must sit in every committee as he is the spiritual leader

As a pastor, I agree these are important roles but are these the most effective way to disciple the church by doing everything? Of course we will do them but to what extent? Jethro's advice to Moses was to teach the people how to live. Meaning, teach the people to live such a way that they do not start unnecessary fires in the first place. In other words, don't just do fire-fighting, for they are very time-consuming and energy sapping. Rather, invest in fire-prevention. Teach, train and equip (v20-show them the way to live and the duties they are to perform) the people to live rightly. Disciple them so that they are people "chargers"  rather than people "dischargers". The devil's strategy is simple. Let the members think they have no power and therefore useless and make the pastor thinks he is a superman and wear him out.

Apostle Paul said in Ephesians 4:11-13 that the key function of the five-fold ministers in the church is not just to do the ministries, but to equip others to do them.

¹¹It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, ¹²to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up ¹³until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

The church need to re-discover this corporate strategy - which is fondly known as the "Jethro Principle". This is the principle at the heart of my church DUMC, which is a Cell Church. I have written an article some years back on this. You can read it here, here and here.

DUMC runs its annual Malaysia Cell Church Conference (MCCC), equipping and training churches in this corporate strategy. The 15th MCCC will be on 9-12 June 2011. Download this year's brochure here to have a feel what the conference topics are like.

So if someone comes up to you and ask why the church is copying a secular corporate structure, just tell them it's the secular business that is copying the church! John Wesley used the same strategy and sustained a revival that last a long time!

So pastors/leaders, go the long haul. Mobilize the Bride of Christ for the works of ministry!

The Fine Art of Learning - Asking Questions.

There is a Chinese proverbs that says "He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever."

There are 63 verses in the book of Proverbs that have the word 'fool' in it. Here are some of them as food for thought. The texts are from NIV. The lines in red are from "The Message Bible"

Prov 1:7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

Start with God—the first step in learning is bowing down to God; only fools thumb their noses at such wisdom and learning.

Prov 12:15 The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.

Fools are headstrong and do what they like; wise people take advice.

Prov 12:16 A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult. 

Fools have short fuses and explode all too quickly; the prudent quietly shrug off insults.

Prov 13:20 He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm. 

Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces.

Prov 17:16 Of what use is money in the hand of a fool, since he has no desire to get wisdom? 

What's this? Fools out shopping for wisdom! They wouldn't recognize it if they saw it!

Prov 17:28 Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue. 

Even dunces who keep quiet are thought to be wise; as long as they keep their mouths shut, they're smart.

Prov 18:2 A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.  

Fools care nothing for thoughtful discourse; all they do is run off at the mouth

Prov 26:12 Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

See that man who thinks he's so smart? You can expect far more from a fool than from him.

Learning usually passes through three states. 

In the beginning, you learn the right answers. 

In the second state, you learn the right questions. 

In the third and final stage, you learn which questions are worth asking.

There must be a hunger for learning. Someone once illustrate learning with thirst. When someone is thirsty, he will automatically go to the jug and pour himself a glass of water. In fact when you drink only when you feel thirsty, you are already at the initial point of dehydration. We should all be drinking adequately even before we feel thirsty. I can tell whether a person is a learner by the way he states a problem he has observed in others or himself.

A non-learner merely complains about it. A learner learn new skills to solve it.

Why do I need to continue to learn?

• For your Sake (Maturity )
• For Other's Sake (Love)
• For God's sake (Delight)

HAPPY LEARNING --- AND ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS!

Slaves to Righteousness - Romans 6:15-23

We are now into the book of Romans in our Bible Reading Plan.

Following on from my post on "Ouchhhh .... !! Exodus 21:2-6", the strange concept of a willing slave, Apostle Paul brought the argument further in Romans 6:15-23. 

Verse 16: Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?

The willing slave is the one who has the option or choice to be a slave. In this argument, Paul is basically saying that we have really only two options in life. Either you are a slave to sin, or a slave to righteousness. And righteousness comes through faith, not of our works.

Ephesians 2:8-9 ⁸For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹not by works, so that no one can boast.

In the first instance, when we are slaves to sins, we are unwilling slaves. We all know how easy it is to sin. It comes so naturally. We never have to teach a child to do wrong. They will naturally do wrong. But we have to teach a child to do RIGHT. We are therefore naturally drag into sins because of our sin nature. We have to try very hard not to sin.

In the second instance, when we are slaves to righteousness, we choose to do what's right. The willingness comes from a wholehearted desire to follow Christ. The new life in us enables us to free ourselves from ourselves (the sin nature) and turn that control over to Christ. 

2 Cor 5:17 ¹⁷Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

Gal 2:20 ²⁰I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Romans 6:6-7 ⁶For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with (or rendered powerless), that we should no longer be slaves to sin— ⁷because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.

When we move away from the kingdom of darkness into the Kingdom of Light, we experience an inner transformation or regeneration which allows the Holy Spirit to render that sinfulness powerless over our lives. Instead, we now choose with a new desire to do what honors God. It is not without struggle because Paul gave us a glimpse of the inner battle in Romans 7:7-25 of our struggles with our sin nature - the flesh man versus the spirit man. This struggle remains with us until the day we die. Hence the need to choose each day to live for Him by the power of the Holy Spirit.

'Be filled with Spirit' in Ephesians 5:18 is not a one-off experience. The verb used is of a continuous tense, which rightly translated, 'be constantly filled' or 'keep on being filled', with the Spirit of God.

We need to guard our hearts therefore everyday to ensure that new life is fed rightly.

What are the principles and lessons?

1. When we are slaves to sin, we can't help but do wrong.

2. When we are truly slaves to righteousness, we can't help but do right.

That's why many of us experienced that when we became a Christian, we no longer like to do what we used to do. There's a strange desire that envelopes us that helps us stay away from wrong things. I know of new Christians who were chain smokers before and upon their new life, the taste of cigarettes became repulsive instantly.

But we do not take this new life for granted, but to nurture it to be strong spiritually so that we do not fall back into our sinful nature. The KEY is therefore is daily OBEDIENCE to the Word of God. That builds a strong spirit man within.